The best way to fight bullies in school is to do something about it. You must not stand still and be quiet. You must support your child in the fight. Here are the best five ways to help your child deal with bullies in school:
- Understand that the bully needs help.
- Name the bullying for what it is.
- Don’t let the harsh, insulting words in.
- Involve the class and the school.
- Raise happy, confident children.
We will elaborate more on what each of these means below.
But to be truly aware and active in fighting bullying, you have to first understand what creates bullies in the first place.
Why does bullying still exist?
Regardless of our civilized progress to stop bullying, why has it transformed into a social epidemic? When something causes so much trouble, why don’t we take it more seriously?
The most simple answer to all of these questions is the following:
Bullying exists because while we think that we are fighting against it, we are literally encouraging it.
The 7 Deeper Reasons Behind Bullying
We are setting power traps for ourselves and for the people we love and care for. We encourage bullying by helping it feed on:
- Our powerlessness and fear
- Real unmet human needs
- False perceptions
- Social and school rules set in stones
- Child-rearing standards
- The social trap of productivity and overachievement
- Wrong values and beliefs.
If we bring some light to these issues by digging a bit deeper, we might just go a few steps further to solve it. If we act upon the issues brought into awareness, we can deal with bullies more actively and reverse the epidemic bullying trend.
But this effort requires more than participating in several quarterly parent-teacher meetings.
Deal with Bullies and Reduce Violence
We can’t deny the link between bullying and violence.
By getting more involved in the fight against bullies, we can contribute to less violence in our world.
Some naysayers claim that the world has always been a violent and abusive place and that it will remain such forever. That is simply not true. Awareness and consistent action set by a personal example have changed traditions more than once.
But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
Uncovering the traps we set for ourselves, one by one, is the way forward on the personal journeys we take as a collective.
We can start by thinking of new ways to define bullying. Bullying is not always that obvious. It can lie hidden beneath layers of awareness, interpretations, and perceptions.
What Keeps Bullying Alive?
Control, fear, and the favoring of the authoritarian personality empowers bullies.
“In times of fear and feelings of lack, there is a rise of the authoritarian personality. When resources seem scarce and when we think we need to fight to satisfy our basic human needs, we adopt authoritarian traits.
Most bullies have been raised by one to become one.
But there is a catch: no one is raised to be oppressive or authoritarian only toward the others. The authoritarian mentality always includes an aspect of self-oppression, self-control, and self-bullying.
How to Raise a Bully the Easy Way
You don’t want to raise a bully. If you want to avoid it, understand the role of power in your life and how you handle it.
Where do you feel powerless and how you compensate by using excessive force or bully other people, yourself, and your child?
- Too much parent or teacher authority constricts and congests.
- Children become “overpowered” by power. They suffer trauma and are frightened.
- Growing up, kids begin preferring a stronghold of a situation. They think that is the only way forward.
- They want to be in control because they believe that being in control means holding the reins of fear in life.
You’ve probably met at least one parent, teacher, or boss in your life who is like that.
By reading these lines, you become aware that there is one control freak living right there in your head.
11 Needs You Need to Meet to Fight Back Against Your Inner Bully
There is nothing wrong with practicing healthy authority.
However, most people have never been taught how to do that. Therefore, many people turn into bullies.
People become authoritarians because it is easier to take control by violence than it is to recognize one’s deep needs that lie behind the need to control.
The need to be in control is always induced by fear. Fear is a result of the lack of:
The unsatisfied needs from this list (and others) are typically the drive behind the bully’s actions.
As humans, we have evolved far enough to order food by talking to a search engine voice machine. But ruled by control and fear, we still haven’t evolved as far as to gain proper anti-bullying skills. Most people, including parents and teachers, have next to zero skills when it comes to fighting big bullies in school and dealing with bullies at work.
How to Fight Bullies at School
Whenever your child finds themselves in a situation to be bullied by someone, they must understand they’re not powerless.
Here is what they can and should do and what you should do as a parent to support them:
1. Understand that the bully needs help.
The bully is a deeply unhappy person. They aren’t and can’t be self-confident and empowered, and therefore, put others down to bring them to the level they feel they are. Unfortunately, this is a sad situation for any child and it requires family and communal support to handle it.
2. Name the bullying for what it is.
Identify bullying and say it out loud. Each time the bully says insulting words or scratches or pinches your child, they should hold the bully accountable and say the word “bullying” aloud. In this way, they state that this is a behavior that will not be accepted and tolerated in the school.
3. Don’t let the harsh, insulting words in.
Bad words don’t need to be let in. When your child understands that they don’t need to give meaning to someone else’s words, they are on a great path to fight bullies in school.
4. Involve the class and the school.
Once your child develops these anti-bullying skills they will set a healthy example for others in the school. Taking action by naming bullying and building healthy boundaries helps students and teachers work out collective tools to deal with unacceptable behavior.
5. Raise happy, confident children.
Teach your child to like themselves before expecting others to like you. Help your child build self-esteem by not falling prey to social acceptance schemes. Help them enjoy life, read, and be active at school. Friends will be drawn to them rather than making them struggle to make friends.
Do this consistently and with discipline and you will raise a happy child that grows into an adult who knows how to deal with authority, handle workplace bullies, and live life with balanced relationship powers.
Click below to join the fight against bullies and take action!
National Bullying Prevention Awareness Month
Featured Image Credit: Timothy Eberly on Unsplash
I so agree! I know what that is because I too was bullied, severely, and for six long years during school. Luckily, I was able to escape through a school transfer during my senior year and that’s when I started rebuilding my confidence and my life. When I look back now, I still remember how it felt- the feelings of being hold down, tied up and gagged- SILENCED!
Now that I’m older, I refuse to ever be put in that dreadful place again and I’m happy to say that I’ve morphed into a happy and confident wife, mother and author! But anytime I hear of someone being bullied, my heart breaks for them. Thank you so much for posting!
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I’m sorry to hear you had to go through that, Cherie! And sometimes leaving an unsafe place is the best option to deal with bullying. I’m glad to hear you’re doing well. Yet, many aren’t, and becoming collectively aware about the long way to go is a good way forward. Let’s stay strong, as well as vulnerable for all the right people!